I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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