I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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