why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
