so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
