She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
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despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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