just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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