My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
