I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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