Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
