Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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