The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she told me i tasted like america
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
