Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
