you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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