I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
