Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i've created a new STD.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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