she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
