You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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