Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize