This is not my ceiling
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
