Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
