She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
