You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
