i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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