never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
