everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
