youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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