i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
