Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
