YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
