I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
