Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
