Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
