I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
