Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
