Non-Jews are for practice
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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