You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
