Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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