i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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