sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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