You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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