Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
