thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
