So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
