Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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