her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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