Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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