The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
