He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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