Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I love having hate sex.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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