im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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