Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
