Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
