Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
