i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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