My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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