these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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