Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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