he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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