Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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