Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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