I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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