he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
