this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
