Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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