new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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