Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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