Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
