This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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