This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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