Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
