Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
